This is a bit personal, and I'm writing just for me, to try and put into words, to try and celebrate, to just feel..
My uncle, yesterday went off, away to the great beyond on to his next adventure. When I got the news, and to a large extent still, I can't process it. I just can't think of him as gone. In fact I don't.
Don't get me wrong, it's not like we used to talk every week, let alone every month, but he was a fixture in my life, in my family. A tall, firm, unrelenting army guy, who everyone, and I Definitely looked up to. We always used to wait on his word, and if he said so, it was so. Not because he said so, but because we all knew it was right.
Now that he is gone, I feel the usual guilt for not keeping in touch, but I'm such an A-hole, a selfish brat that I let me be bigger than someone else's need. Maybe writing down stuff helps.. I dunno.
I'll always remember being in awe of him, because ppl spoke of how cool he was, running away and joining the army, his young blood being disappointed at the cease fire coming just when he finished training. When we once went to visit him, I went through his stash in his room and found boxing gloves. WOW, boxing gloves so coool !! ( his place was the first time I saw an English toilet, sorry, the mind remembers weird things and classifies them under cool ! )
What put him from everyone's cool dude , to being "my" cool Mama ( maternal uncle ) was something that happened when I was in 12th standard, on the cusp of being 'cool' ( yeah, way too much cool in this entry, suck it )
It was our send-off ceremony, and we were supposed to wear suits or blazers, basically dress formal. Now formal to me was a shirt and jeans, but this was special, we were turning 18 and everyone was wearing a suit or a blazer, I wanted one too. Obviously, the only one i know who would be regularly wearing one or used to wearing one was him. I asked to borrow his, n he being stationed in town during this period immediately agreed to meet me at 'the Raymond store this saturday'. Awesome, i asked him what colour it is, does it come with the pants, will it fit me, do you have a tie ... blah.. blah .. he just said, "tu mil, main dekh lunga" ( Meet me, we'll see! )
I drove down excitedly that Saturday, he was there with his jeep ( COOL !!! ), smoking away ( COOL !!!, yeah, smoking's cool, it may be unhealthy, but it's way cool ! ) n waiting with his man Friday ( yeah, Dude had his personal help / driver / maitre'D COOOOOOOL !! ) . But he had no coat in his hands or in the car or with his help. I guess he'd given it for fixings or dry clean or some stuff like that to the Raymond guys. I hi'd and hullo'd and he said "go in, I'll finish this smoke and join you.
I went in n started checking whether the attendant has something marked with his name or waiting for me, n wondering in my head whether i hv matching pants, or whether it cms with pants already, will it fit n stuff like that.
Door opens, and uncle walks in, and straightaway says "I think it should be a blazer, and it should be black or blue. Let's try both " . I was struck dumb, full on deer in the headlights. I was standing there looking through the mirror at bright spots while the attendant proceeded to put on and take off blazers of various measure while Unca Cool went "No", "Tighter in the shoulders", "No, it should be blue, right Gaurav?", "Let's try, this one".. I didn't even register when he had settled on one, by that time I was grinning from ear to ear while trying to protest that I just wanted to borrow one, Dad will kill me, I won't even use one...
I'm sure he knew I was gonna pose all like James Bond when I got it on. He proceeded to pay for it, frick, it was like 4k in those days, i think it was 1998. ( yeah i'm old ! ) i saw no flinch, no hesitation. I know i always hesitate after hearing price tags. Unca Cool was just that, unperturbed. I dunno if my uncles and aunts n other relatives are rich or not, we just didn't care in those days, but i knew 4k was a lot of money for a gift. No one gave those kind of gifts. I knew dad will ask me to return it. But he was all "main sambhaal lega tere dad ko". That's like License to Kill! i think i should hv asked for his help in some other cases in hindsight :D
It didn't stop there, we went on to buy a tie for me. He selected it, I obviously was going to get something flashier, he reined me in, showed me how it's dun and just rode of into the sunset while I was stammering my thanks. That's who I see him as. He comes, he solves problems, he solves them being cool !, he shows his nephew how to be a man, a man's man ! and He rides off in his jeep. The cowboy, the selfless hero, who comes, inspires, leads and when he see's that someone can take care of things, he let's them, there's no poking arnd and unnecesary management, he's already gone to someone or somewhere where he's needed more.
There are so many other stories where I'd see him take charge, seen him lead, make decisions, no pressure. I don't know whether it was the army or it was part of who he was, I don't care, and I loved him like that. I wanted be a bit like him. I'd see folks I respect, folks I love, folks whose opinion I respect, look up to him and take his advice. He was my hero.
I hope I can be as cool and half as generous and kind a human being as you Lt. Colonel Cool. I'll always treasure the memories and I'll try and be better.
Love, honor and respect !
My uncle, yesterday went off, away to the great beyond on to his next adventure. When I got the news, and to a large extent still, I can't process it. I just can't think of him as gone. In fact I don't.
Don't get me wrong, it's not like we used to talk every week, let alone every month, but he was a fixture in my life, in my family. A tall, firm, unrelenting army guy, who everyone, and I Definitely looked up to. We always used to wait on his word, and if he said so, it was so. Not because he said so, but because we all knew it was right.
Now that he is gone, I feel the usual guilt for not keeping in touch, but I'm such an A-hole, a selfish brat that I let me be bigger than someone else's need. Maybe writing down stuff helps.. I dunno.
I'll always remember being in awe of him, because ppl spoke of how cool he was, running away and joining the army, his young blood being disappointed at the cease fire coming just when he finished training. When we once went to visit him, I went through his stash in his room and found boxing gloves. WOW, boxing gloves so coool !! ( his place was the first time I saw an English toilet, sorry, the mind remembers weird things and classifies them under cool ! )
What put him from everyone's cool dude , to being "my" cool Mama ( maternal uncle ) was something that happened when I was in 12th standard, on the cusp of being 'cool' ( yeah, way too much cool in this entry, suck it )
It was our send-off ceremony, and we were supposed to wear suits or blazers, basically dress formal. Now formal to me was a shirt and jeans, but this was special, we were turning 18 and everyone was wearing a suit or a blazer, I wanted one too. Obviously, the only one i know who would be regularly wearing one or used to wearing one was him. I asked to borrow his, n he being stationed in town during this period immediately agreed to meet me at 'the Raymond store this saturday'. Awesome, i asked him what colour it is, does it come with the pants, will it fit me, do you have a tie ... blah.. blah .. he just said, "tu mil, main dekh lunga" ( Meet me, we'll see! )
I drove down excitedly that Saturday, he was there with his jeep ( COOL !!! ), smoking away ( COOL !!!, yeah, smoking's cool, it may be unhealthy, but it's way cool ! ) n waiting with his man Friday ( yeah, Dude had his personal help / driver / maitre'D COOOOOOOL !! ) . But he had no coat in his hands or in the car or with his help. I guess he'd given it for fixings or dry clean or some stuff like that to the Raymond guys. I hi'd and hullo'd and he said "go in, I'll finish this smoke and join you.
I went in n started checking whether the attendant has something marked with his name or waiting for me, n wondering in my head whether i hv matching pants, or whether it cms with pants already, will it fit n stuff like that.
Door opens, and uncle walks in, and straightaway says "I think it should be a blazer, and it should be black or blue. Let's try both " . I was struck dumb, full on deer in the headlights. I was standing there looking through the mirror at bright spots while the attendant proceeded to put on and take off blazers of various measure while Unca Cool went "No", "Tighter in the shoulders", "No, it should be blue, right Gaurav?", "Let's try, this one".. I didn't even register when he had settled on one, by that time I was grinning from ear to ear while trying to protest that I just wanted to borrow one, Dad will kill me, I won't even use one...
I'm sure he knew I was gonna pose all like James Bond when I got it on. He proceeded to pay for it, frick, it was like 4k in those days, i think it was 1998. ( yeah i'm old ! ) i saw no flinch, no hesitation. I know i always hesitate after hearing price tags. Unca Cool was just that, unperturbed. I dunno if my uncles and aunts n other relatives are rich or not, we just didn't care in those days, but i knew 4k was a lot of money for a gift. No one gave those kind of gifts. I knew dad will ask me to return it. But he was all "main sambhaal lega tere dad ko". That's like License to Kill! i think i should hv asked for his help in some other cases in hindsight :D
It didn't stop there, we went on to buy a tie for me. He selected it, I obviously was going to get something flashier, he reined me in, showed me how it's dun and just rode of into the sunset while I was stammering my thanks. That's who I see him as. He comes, he solves problems, he solves them being cool !, he shows his nephew how to be a man, a man's man ! and He rides off in his jeep. The cowboy, the selfless hero, who comes, inspires, leads and when he see's that someone can take care of things, he let's them, there's no poking arnd and unnecesary management, he's already gone to someone or somewhere where he's needed more.
There are so many other stories where I'd see him take charge, seen him lead, make decisions, no pressure. I don't know whether it was the army or it was part of who he was, I don't care, and I loved him like that. I wanted be a bit like him. I'd see folks I respect, folks I love, folks whose opinion I respect, look up to him and take his advice. He was my hero.
I hope I can be as cool and half as generous and kind a human being as you Lt. Colonel Cool. I'll always treasure the memories and I'll try and be better.
Love, honor and respect !
